Decorate your soul

I love spring!  I think most people can agree with this sentiment, and with the weather gradually warming up and new life sprouting all around I have been overwhelmed with the desire to spruce up our exterior.  We moved into our new house a little over a year ago and have put very little attention to the front or back yard. We have focused on the interior, and although we will spend a lifetime making our house a home, we are pleased with the results so far.  In regards to the outside, it is a shizzzz box!  Dandelions, although whimsical and romantic in theory, are not so aesthetically pleasing when they overrun your yard as so...

Holy balls, make it stop!

Anywho, as much as I would like to report that they are gone, that would be a dirty lie.  They are still there, but The Hub did mow the lawn and we are hoping to get them under control and completely gut the yard next spring.  

We mainly focused on the backyard last night, in the hopes to give it a bit of life and color.  It felt so nice to enjoy the outdoors, smell the freshly cut grass, and get all kinds of dirt under my fingernails as we added a bit of flair to what has been a pretty pathetic and dismal backyard.  

This morning I ate breakfast outside and enjoyed my newly potted flowers.  Such a refreshing and simple upgrade!

"Plant your garden and decorate your soul"

Achy Breaky Bench

The last piece of furniture The Hub and I worked on was over two months ago and I've been feeling extremely antsy to take on another project.  After perusing our disgustingly cluttered garage, I decided on a small piano bench that, at 35 weeks pregnant, seemed fairly reasonable to tackle.  

It was in dire need of attention and I figured a bit of paint would shnazz it up.  Shortly after beginning I realized it was more of ninja act then I'd anticipated.  There was a lot of crouching, twisting, heaving and hoeing, and it was not pretty.  Here is the bench after all my pathetic fabulous efforts

($30)

    The end result for me was this

Don't judge

Blooming

In the next six weeks our lives will take a drastic turn.  We will be welcoming our new babers and could not be more excited!  Our situation is unique (who's isn't) and we cannot wait for the unexpected twists that this new life will bring to our world.  When we began dating, and over the duration of our relationship, we have lived as joint custody parents.  We have Gentry 50% of the time and live as newlyweds, with no kiddos at home, 50% of the time.  What that means for us is we run most errands, watch 'grown-up' TV, and have date nights on the evenings that we do not have Gentry.  Half of our weekends we are able to sleep in and do things that we otherwise may rearrange to accommodate our feisty three year old.  On the days we do have Gentry, we plan family outings, make toddler crafts and ensure each and every moment is about him.

A little over a year ago, on March 15, 2012, I wrote a blog titled 'Part-Time Parent', where I illustrated the struggles and confusions I felt regarding joint custody parenting.  I'm not really sure many can relate to our situation, but it can be delicate, fragile, and challenging on any given day.  It is the reality The Hub and I have come to know and love embrace, but are so ready to make the transition to full-time parents.

Full-time parenting, although I absolutely despise calling it that, means sleepless nights ALL the time, not half the time.  It means diaper changing, wiping tears, tending to boo boo's and tried patience ALL of the time.  It means no 'grown-up' TV til the kiddos are in bed, errands with a cranky baby, forgetting the diaper bag on family outings, ALL THE TIME!  It means hectic mornings, running late, messy meals, extra laundry, and the list goes on...and on...and on.  The only word I can truly describe the way I am feeling is ready.  So completely, and with every ounce of my soul, ready to welcome baby Deacon and welcome our new life.

As spring pops up all around us, I cannot help but feel as though it is a fitting precursor to the new journey we are about to embark on.

Preg Preg Preggers

The Hub and I had somewhat of an unconventional courtship.  It followed a somewhat messy divorce, and happened fairly quickly.  Anyone who knew us was supportive and knew that we were compatible from day one, but it still raised a few eyebrows from those who didn't know us very well.  We quietly slipped off to the courthouse for nuptials and never questioned that we had found our other half.

Once we had officially tied the knot we were both eager to move forward in a more conventional way. Now, I should clarify that I attempt to defy conventional on a daily basis, but there are some things about marriage and family that are sacred and we were ready to embrace those things.  We knew instantly that we wanted to expand our clan.  We began 'trying' for a little one shortly after getting married.  I was sure it would happen within weeks and we were taking pregnancy tests incessantly.  Without getting into the details, this dragged on for a grueling year.  That year was full of frustration, uncertainty and disappointment as we repeatedly saw negative.  My optimism was challenged on a daily basis and there were days I was a nasty creature to those around me.  I felt selfish for being so emotional throughout the process.  I knew many women who had tried for much longer and who had endured multiple miscarriages.  How could I be so weak when they had been through so much more?  

In the summer we were sucker punched when both of my grandfather's passed away within one month of each other.  At that time I surrendered to a plan much greater then my own.  I knew that I could not spend so much of my energy focusing on that which was out of my hands.  Throughout the summer I had traveled to and from California on three separate occasions and had focused every ounce of my energy on the family that so desperately needed unity and support.  I hugged, laughed and cried with relatives I had not seen in years.  I heard and told stories of my grandfather's that will be treasured in my memory for eternity.  I set aside my selfish desire to have a child and focused on those around me who were present in the now.  I drank in each and every moment and was grateful for the days that were brought on by sorrow, but ended with new moments to cherish.  

A little over a month after saying my final goodbye to my Papa I began to feel a nagging within myself to take a pregnancy test.  I had taken so many over the last year, and had forced myself to stop throughout the last few months, but the sensation was strong and the night before a fertility appointment I took another test.  That night I took five pregnancy tests which each confirmed that I was in fact pregnant.  The Hub and I were both filled with utter disbelief.  As we slowly counted back the days we were faced with the realization that our new child was brought to us on the the day my Papa had passed away.  

I am now over half way through my pregnancy and feel blessed each day for the gift growing within me.  The year spent trying was valuable time that nurtured our desire to have a child.  There were trials throughout that year that were not made for new life, and our time to be pregnant was reserved for this special year.  

    

Lost

My dear Papa passed away just a few short weeks ago.  Despite sitting down to write a blog countless times, my mind goes blank.  He always read my blog, so what now?  Where do I even begin?

His funeral is this weekend.

I am not ready for that.

He should still be here.

This sucks.

Keepin' it Real- Zoo Edition

Okay, so tonight I am keeping it real.  I am rehashing today's adventures with as much candor as I can muster.  The boys and I hit the road today to explore the St. Louis Zoo.  Gentry loves animals and has loved every zoo we have been to in the past.  He was ecstatic for the day so we spent the last three days discussing what animals we might see, and what things we had loved about past zoo visits.  The Hubs and I were pleased that entry was free and knew that the day would be full of good times and lots of memories.  In the back of my mind I was nervous, which is one of my less then ideal qualities.  I have always been fairly go-with-the-flow, and have prided myself on my spontaneity.  That is, until I had a child.  Ever since giving birth to a living, breathing angel, I have experienced anxiety within crowds.  

The following things occurred throughout the day that both solidified my anxiety, as well as were a result of it:

G wet his pants on the freeway

Enter necessary Target visit

No Sunscreen

Enter Chapstick all over G's face (as a sunscreen substitute, CLEARLY) 

18million people decided to visit the zoo and stand in the middle of every walkway, EVERYWHERE

Enter crazy mom glare

G free-falled out of the stroller, mid push

Enter face plant and lots of tears (no bumps, bruises or blood occurred)

As we drove home The Hub and I were able to have a good laugh over my anxiety-induced B**** mode, and the days smashing success, despite some minor speed bumps.  G had a great time, and could not stop gabbing about the many animals he saw throughout the day.   

♥ Grandpa Zoolie ♥

"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, 

and you shall see that in truth you are weeping 

for that which has been your delight."