Preg Preg Preggers

The Hub and I had somewhat of an unconventional courtship.  It followed a somewhat messy divorce, and happened fairly quickly.  Anyone who knew us was supportive and knew that we were compatible from day one, but it still raised a few eyebrows from those who didn't know us very well.  We quietly slipped off to the courthouse for nuptials and never questioned that we had found our other half.

Once we had officially tied the knot we were both eager to move forward in a more conventional way. Now, I should clarify that I attempt to defy conventional on a daily basis, but there are some things about marriage and family that are sacred and we were ready to embrace those things.  We knew instantly that we wanted to expand our clan.  We began 'trying' for a little one shortly after getting married.  I was sure it would happen within weeks and we were taking pregnancy tests incessantly.  Without getting into the details, this dragged on for a grueling year.  That year was full of frustration, uncertainty and disappointment as we repeatedly saw negative.  My optimism was challenged on a daily basis and there were days I was a nasty creature to those around me.  I felt selfish for being so emotional throughout the process.  I knew many women who had tried for much longer and who had endured multiple miscarriages.  How could I be so weak when they had been through so much more?  

In the summer we were sucker punched when both of my grandfather's passed away within one month of each other.  At that time I surrendered to a plan much greater then my own.  I knew that I could not spend so much of my energy focusing on that which was out of my hands.  Throughout the summer I had traveled to and from California on three separate occasions and had focused every ounce of my energy on the family that so desperately needed unity and support.  I hugged, laughed and cried with relatives I had not seen in years.  I heard and told stories of my grandfather's that will be treasured in my memory for eternity.  I set aside my selfish desire to have a child and focused on those around me who were present in the now.  I drank in each and every moment and was grateful for the days that were brought on by sorrow, but ended with new moments to cherish.  

A little over a month after saying my final goodbye to my Papa I began to feel a nagging within myself to take a pregnancy test.  I had taken so many over the last year, and had forced myself to stop throughout the last few months, but the sensation was strong and the night before a fertility appointment I took another test.  That night I took five pregnancy tests which each confirmed that I was in fact pregnant.  The Hub and I were both filled with utter disbelief.  As we slowly counted back the days we were faced with the realization that our new child was brought to us on the the day my Papa had passed away.  

I am now over half way through my pregnancy and feel blessed each day for the gift growing within me.  The year spent trying was valuable time that nurtured our desire to have a child.  There were trials throughout that year that were not made for new life, and our time to be pregnant was reserved for this special year.